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ports and doubts

“Our doubts are traitors,

and make us lose the good we oft might win,

by fearing to attempt.”

-William Shakespeare, Measure for Measure

I read that quote while looking through the Rockport Institute site suggested by a close friend who is also considering using it.

Rockport is a career path service – Through personal counseling and series of tests they are supposed to help you figure out the right type of career for you. Apparently it’s used all classes and ages-For those who are trying to get it together, and/or for those who may be comfortable, but lack fulfillment from their current career.

I am in another transition in life. The landlords in Fairfax decided (fairly) to not renew our contract in renting their basement in favor of their relatives. They did give us ample time to move. No ill will towards them at all.

Now mother and I are living in Burke, Virginia down the road from Fairfax along with my sister and her husband/brother-in-law. Mother, who is now in far better condition is welcome to stay with them. I am also welcome for the time being, but am paying for rent. Fair is fair. However I am being… shoehorned (more or less) to leave by the beginning of next year. Fair is fair.

I am still unfortunately working part-time at Green Hell. The management there is not doing a great job of keeping an efficient workflow. We simply need more people other than myself, and one other to unload freight. Because of that job being grossly undermanned, my body is paying for it. Just as was at my first Green Hell working experience in South San Francisco, my whole body aches-Particularly my forearms and hands. Unloading freight and stocking heavy items for one day destroys my body for the rest of the week. By the time the next shipment arrives, I feel that I haven’t really recovered, so the pain is now constant-And it has been like that for months now.

It hurts to grip, let alone lift even light items. I wake up in the middle of my slumber with numb or burning sensations in my hands and forearms. My legs and back constantly ache as well. Of course I’m still getting paid at minimum wage.

I am thoroughly unhappy with this job. The co-workers are nice enough, but I feel my time at Green Hell is coming to a close very soon. The payrate is not worth the pain, nor is stress and oft time humility of cashiering. I’ve come close to walking out multiple times due to rude and obnoxious customers who are full of prejudice and zero respect. It has become harder for me to put on fake niceties of welcoming and helpful store clerk.

I need to find something else quickly or I will break something.

I still don’t fully know what I want to do, or realize exactly what I’m capable of, but that’s why such a company like Rockport exists-And it may well be the answer to my wants and needs.

However, it will of course come at a somewhat steep price for their services; Well steep for me anyway. They say 90% of their clients/students do meet their goals-14,000+ successful and strong, including Fortune 500 CEOs, entrepreneurs, there’s even endorsements by presidents.

Of course I do have my doubts, and that brings us back to the Shakespeare quote at the top.

I feel like I’ve lost so much; Then again, I never had much of anything to begin with.

There is a book called The Pathfinder written by the founder of the Rockport Institute, Nicholas Lore. Perhaps I should take a peek at that before I commit hundreds.

I am starting another overnight stocking shift at Green Hell in an hour or so, and I’m dreading it already.

Here comes more pain.

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One thought on “ports and doubts

  1. I feel like you are very good at writing, and Jeff agrees. He’s also more familiar with your music, and speaks highly of it. I think you are a very creative person. It scares me to hear the toll this job is taking on you, as it can injure you permanently. Please be careful.

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