ports and doubts

“Our doubts are traitors,

and make us lose the good we oft might win,

by fearing to attempt.”

-William Shakespeare, Measure for Measure

I read that quote while looking through the Rockport Institute site suggested by a close friend who is also considering using it.

Rockport is a career path service – Through personal counseling and series of tests they are supposed to help you figure out the right type of career for you. Apparently it’s used all classes and ages-For those who are trying to get it together, and/or for those who may be comfortable, but lack fulfillment from their current career.

I am in another transition in life. The landlords in Fairfax decided (fairly) to not renew our contract in renting their basement in favor of their relatives. They did give us ample time to move. No ill will towards them at all.

Now mother and I are living in Burke, Virginia down the road from Fairfax along with my sister and her husband/brother-in-law. Mother, who is now in far better condition is welcome to stay with them. I am also welcome for the time being, but am paying for rent. Fair is fair. However I am being… shoehorned (more or less) to leave by the beginning of next year. Fair is fair.

I am still unfortunately working part-time at Green Hell. The management there is not doing a great job of keeping an efficient workflow. We simply need more people other than myself, and one other to unload freight. Because of that job being grossly undermanned, my body is paying for it. Just as was at my first Green Hell working experience in South San Francisco, my whole body aches-Particularly my forearms and hands. Unloading freight and stocking heavy items for one day destroys my body for the rest of the week. By the time the next shipment arrives, I feel that I haven’t really recovered, so the pain is now constant-And it has been like that for months now.

It hurts to grip, let alone lift even light items. I wake up in the middle of my slumber with numb or burning sensations in my hands and forearms. My legs and back constantly ache as well. Of course I’m still getting paid at minimum wage.

I am thoroughly unhappy with this job. The co-workers are nice enough, but I feel my time at Green Hell is coming to a close very soon. The payrate is not worth the pain, nor is stress and oft time humility of cashiering. I’ve come close to walking out multiple times due to rude and obnoxious customers who are full of prejudice and zero respect. It has become harder for me to put on fake niceties of welcoming and helpful store clerk.

I need to find something else quickly or I will break something.

I still don’t fully know what I want to do, or realize exactly what I’m capable of, but that’s why such a company like Rockport exists-And it may well be the answer to my wants and needs.

However, it will of course come at a somewhat steep price for their services; Well steep for me anyway. They say 90% of their clients/students do meet their goals-14,000+ successful and strong, including Fortune 500 CEOs, entrepreneurs, there’s even endorsements by presidents.

Of course I do have my doubts, and that brings us back to the Shakespeare quote at the top.

I feel like I’ve lost so much; Then again, I never had much of anything to begin with.

There is a book called The Pathfinder written by the founder of the Rockport Institute, Nicholas Lore. Perhaps I should take a peek at that before I commit hundreds.

I am starting another overnight stocking shift at Green Hell in an hour or so, and I’m dreading it already.

Here comes more pain.


a little scare

Off from late night shift at Green hell. I just parked the car. As I was about to step out, I noticed a quadruped animal walking by. Thought it was a cat. As I opened the door, I seen it stopped and looked right at me.

It was a fox.

I then quickly shut the door.

About thirty seconds later it turned and walked away.

For safetys sake, I decided to just stay and vape a little and type this out. One thing comes to mind: I should have asked what the fox says.


lite and clear

Couple things.

I’ve been on a diet. Not really a diet per se – More like a lifestyle change. I’ve been relearning how to eat right, and limit myself. Basically, I’m merely counting calories and trying to limit myself to no more than 1500 calories per day. I’m also drinking more plain water, or adding no calorie flavor shots – Limiting soda and sugary carbonated drinks. I’ve done no extra gym work; Merely only changed my eating habits.

The results after about 2-3 months of this practice is that I lost some thirty pounds. I dropped two clothing sizes, which is somewhat annoying because of the need to purchase new clothes (annoying because of money).

So the initial gym work that I started 2 years ago, and having stopped after moving to Virginia – That loss, then gain (sedentary and depressed), then this loss, I’ve dropped over ninety pounds. 9-0 pounds. The problem now is that I need to try and lose fifty more.

It’s not impossible. I realise that now. Of course I am also starting to plateau on my loss, and should go back to the gym to give my body another jump-start; Money tho.

Today also marks one month from my last Camel Crush Menthol Silver – Or rather my last cigarette altogether. As I started to lose weight, I made the conscious effort to also stop smoking.

Usually what happens when a person quits smoking is that they tend to gain weight because of the need to fulfill that oral sensation, or because the muscle memory of smoking remains – And what replaces sticking faggots of burning tobacco in ones mouth is of course food.

I have counteracted food gorging with the help of e-cigarettes. And not just regular cig-a-like e-cigarettes (such as BLU), but with more advanced gear with bigger batteries, tanks, and little-to-no tobacco flavored nicotine juice.

After almost twenty years, I am no longer a smoker; I am now a vaper. And it is brilliant!

I will eventually write another blog on how my vaping started and evolved. For now I will disclose that I currently vape on a Joytech eGo ONE kit and I love Vapor Hut’s Blueberry Cinnamon Crumble flavor.

It is safe to say that with this kit, whatever other gear I may get in the future, and my nicotine level/desire dropping quickly – I will never go back to smoking regular (analog) cigarettes again.

And my lungs are happy.