Yes. I do realize my last few posts have been utterly negative, complete downers. Things are.. bad, but there are moments–(Somehow I feel I’m repeating myself–Have I said this before?)
There are moments where I am indeed enjoying myself. These moments more often spent by myself; Seldom in the company of others.

I am losing my train of thought-currently sitting at a table next to some teens at McD’s. One of them is talking in a very obnoxious, gruff voice, trying to be funny with his friends; Totally annoying. I’d like to buy a Happy Meal, and stuff the toy down his throat, impairing his speech-Would also like to find his mother and slap her.

As I was saying, I am by nature a ridiculously shy person. Always on guard. Lately tho, I’m starting not to care so much about image-Well about anything regarding me. I’m pathetic, I really am. Shame and embarrassment doesn’t matter when you’ve hit rock bottom. How low can one go without breaking the law or pushing the envelope on what’s morally acceptable?

I hate these kids.

OK. I think I’m definitely delving beyond the simplicity of my initial intent of this, so I’ll get to the point.

I enjoying singing.

These fucking kids!

My taste in music is falling back to my pre-goth rocker, riviethead, and punk rock flavors, and that is more jazz-vocals, the Great American Songbook standards, opera and choral. Been listening to a lot of material by composers like Harold Arlen-Vocalists like Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, Al Martino, and James Darren. Lest we forget the female vocalists like Ella Fitzgerald, Peggy Lee, or Keely Smith.

I listen to and sing a lot of this stuff when I drive around running errands, and have even entertained (or annoyed) my co-workers at Green Hell over the store intercom (after hours of course).

I feel the one true physical talent that I have is vocal control of which derives mimicry, and singing. Would like to take a stab at voice acting.

Let me re-iterate, voice acting.

Regular acting? Ha! Never. First off, I am completely unattractive. Secondly,  I mentioned earlier of my ridiculous shyness which results in stage fright. I can remember trying to perform a part in highschool, the witches in Macbeth, as an extra credit in English class. Hell, I even dressed up in goth club mode. I started out great, but by the second or third line, I froze. As people gawked at me, I had forgotten everything. It was beyond humiliating. I believe it was at that moment where
I knew I couldn’t do stage work.

I wish I could have tried harder back then. I do recall now, doing yet another presentation for an English class in college, an oral report on One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest-I do remember performing that rather brilliantly, pacing sternly around the room as I read aloud and threw the pages behind my pack as I finished them. I don’t remember if I made any sense, but I do recall people were entertained, and the teacher mentioned that I should have joined a debate team.

So as I get older, it seems the nervousness and shyness is slowly peeling away.

Singing. Well, I’ve always had more confidence in that ability. I had no problems singing with various choral groups in junior high and highschool, always performed well. In fact my vocal teacher in junior high even tried to talk to my grandparents into not moving away, so I could continue working with him-To join the men’s chorus in high school, which would have been nice because they were competing chorus that got to travel everywhere, including Japan. Truly missed out on that opportunity.

Of course things happen that you have no control of, and so here I am-Singing along with ghosts, as I’m cruising down the road. 

I would like to create a SoundCloud account and record some passages and songs to exhibit my vocal range. Regrettably I sold my recording interfaces before I moved here, and I have no money to purchase even a cheap one. I still have my beloved Super 55 mic, just nothing to hook it up to. Haha!

It’s all a mean joke, and the funny part is, I’m the one who’s telling it to myself.

Thank goodness, those damned kids left.