It’s happening again. 

Similarly to my older sites-Similarly to everything else I seem to get into with good intentions-They start out great; And then something happens and the project/interest/intent/purpose/relationship/whatever comes to a catastrophic halt.

I can’t let that happen to this site. It needs follow through. It cannot end-Even if I fail.

I think I owe myself an explanation and it’s simple. I’m rather depressed and ashamed of who I’ve become over last couple months. Aside from my job at home of taking care of my mother, I am once again a Green Hell employee. If anyone has been following this blog, you’ll know through my post history that I hate it.  

I know that I’m capable of so much more. I know that I am capable of so much more. And yet most of the time, yes, most of the time, I just can’t gather the confidence or the will to even try. Often times in the day I literally say to myself that I should just die.

The pathetic thing is that my problems are surely more petty than most people in the world. I shouldn’t be complaining, right- But I am not complaining.I accept it. Everything is my own fault. I should just die, but at the moment I just can’t. There has to be something else.

I–I have to create, or I may as well be dead.

My shield and my weapons need be re-balanced and polished. I must continue this quest-Even if I don’t know what I am looking for or where I am going.