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180

It’s funny how things can change at the drop of a dime. Not more than eighteen hours ago, I was mentally, and I suppose physically (through the disposal of my belongings) preparing myself for the trip to Virginia. It seems now that it won’t be happening.

To sum up again: The purpose to go there is to take care of my mother, while we figure out her living situation. Seems my sister thinks I should just stay here instead to try and find a place to live for mother and myself.

This has of course irked me quite a bit as I now realize that I probably didn’t need to get rid of stuff. However, it probably is a good move in the long run. Now instead of trying to raise some money for the trip, it will now have to go into saving up for deposit.

Speaking of deposits- Having recently gone through bankruptcy, add the fact that I am NOT currently working, I will have the utmost trouble trying to get approved to get a place. My sister and her husband said they will likely need to co-lease. I hope we can get away with it, because it’s not looking good. The only source of income my mother and I will have initially is her retirement and it’s not much.

In regards to the trip, the one thing I was looking forward to in the month or so stay in Virginia was the chance to sit and write during the moments when my mother didn’t need my attention-To write comfortably without the feeling of impending doom looming over my head. There was also a chance to try and fully explore and experience the east coast. I’m sure I would have seen a lot and gotten a lot done there. Instead I’m here at Starbucks once again complaining into my blog. My sincerest apologies to anyone who is willing to put up with my ramblings. It’s good of you to indulge me.

I don’t need to mention how much harder life just got. Having found all this out early yesterday evening, I woke up today in a crummy mood. I posted a youtube video on my Facebook of the song called Disconnect by Rollinsband-It’s how I was feeling. I was just tired. Tired of waking up to all this struggle. Tired of losing.

I want to help my mom of course. She did a damn fine job of raising her children alone. At least two out of three turned out pretty good. I’m the latter one that doesn’t deserve to go on, but I suppose I have to now-For her-And to feed my curiousity of what happens next?

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One thought on “180

  1. Oh no! I’m so sorry to hear this Ron. It sounds like a rough road ahead, I heard you talking to Jeff too, I love the idea of you living near us. I would feel horrible about having just gotten rid of so many of my belongings, especially ones I held so dear. I don’t know the other two out of the three children, but you’re an important person in my life and Jeff’s. I hope one day you realize that you have a lot to give, and that your only contribution is not to only take care of your mother. It is very admirable, what you have done for your grandfather, and will now do for your mother. It’s the most loving thing a son/grandson can do, but don’t forget your own qualities, and being in the meantime. It seems like writing will help you keep in touch with yourself. ❤

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