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leaving

Just a moment ago my tablet came alive with a “Ka-ching” emulating the sound of a cash register making a sale. And indeed I did make a sale. It was a notification from my eBay app with quick ticker message saying that my copy of Thunder Force V for the old Sony PlayStation (PS1) was sold. Thirty-Three bux! I believe I originally picked it up used in the late 90s for maybe ten bux.

Other items that sold, Ray Storm, Ray Crisis, Silent Hill among a few others which was/is the last of my old video game collection. I hate to see it go, but I 1) Need the money 2) Need to expel much of my belongings. This is just the start, there is a plethora of items to be thrown away, given away, sold, or donated to a second hand store.

Why am I doing this?

Well as I mentioned a few blogs back, my mother has come back from the Philippines. Long story; shortened – My siblings and I have agreed that she remain in the states for the time being-To settle her finances, take care of her health, and figure out her living situation.

Between the three of her kids, I, being out of work (sigh), have the most free time to care for her. And so, I aleviating myself of most of my posessions to ease the move, and help fund a place for her and myself-That is if it indeed comes to that point. We aren’t quite certain how we will proceed until we get can assess our mothers overall health. I do think it is leaning on me staying with her, thus these preparations.

It is not set in stone, but the more immediate course of action is flying to Virginia, where my mother now stays with my sister and her husband. My mother and I will stay there for perhaps a month or so, while we figure out a more permanent solution. I am aiming to get there by the middle of March and hope that is 1) Enough time to get rid of my posessions 2) Assuming my mother can handle being home alone while my sister and her husband (who work for the government), are gone the entire day.

I’ve basically gone through this scenario once already when taking care of my grandfather until is passing 2 years ago. I have an idea what to expect. Don’t misunderstand me when I say that this is indeed something I don’t willfully want to do, but for the sake of my sister and her busy life, and my brother’s burgeoning success as a musician in Los Angeles, I’ll do it. I love them, and I love my mother.

This time around, I will not waste time feeling lonely and feeling sorrowful. I will be productive. In between caring for my mother and other responsibilities, I WILL WRITE.

At the age 35 and trying other crafts over the years, I now know that this, writing, is really the only true talent I posess and feel that I excel at. It’s time to finish the stories I’ve started, and test my talent in the real world-And apply it not just to novels, or zine short stories, but to gaming, to movies, and whatever else may come way.

Having my wish granted in the form of that mechanical keyboard, gifted to me by a complete stranger was indeed a sign of what should be-What I should be, and what I should do. And now with the incoming responsibility of caring for my mother-That is the challenge I have to work with. It’s going to be a battle of time. Productivity versus family responsibility. I say if Beethoven could do it, then so can Ron Dador.

I’m really frightened by what is to come and the uncertainty of it all-But then when wasn’t I ever frightened? I’m still here.

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