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meet pt. 3

I spoke a little too soon, or perhaps I did not.

Same Starbucks-Dropped in to use the net and research a job for the USPS. Seems all they have open is work for mail carriers. A little online research of opinions from experienced mail carriers had noted that some 60% of people who are hired for that job are usually let go or quit within the first month. Not interested.

In any case, the weather was/is warmer than usual for winter time in the penninsula. I felt it was getting a might stuffy inside Starbucks so I headed to a table outside. As I sat down, I felt/noticed someone looking at me through the store window from the inside-It was that very talented woman again. She had been inside the whole time I was there, only instead of the usual table, she was in a comfy lounge chair in the corner, and I did not notice her. Additionally, I had cut my hair rather drastically, and am now clean shaven, so perhaps I also was not immediately recognizable to her.

Of course I got right back up and headed inside to talk with her. Thankfully the chair just adjacent to her’s was vacant. Need I describe how excited I was to see her? I think not.
A couple blogs back, I wrote how I was unsure, rather I didn’t expect to ever see or hear from her again. Yet there we were. The conversation began fluidly as if it never stopped from our initial meeting.

For a good four hours we conversed on the most random of subjects-Odd segway after odd segway-From root origins of our family names, to accents, Shakespeare, various wild and domestic animals, ancestry and genetics-I could go on and on.

I did get a big kick out of our back and forth on how to pronounce the word, “subtle.” She pronounces it with a hard B, and I pronounce it with a silent B. A good fifteen minutes or so was us trying to prove each other wrong-Taking to the internet and looking up the etymology of the word, and citing how different people say it. A rather deep debate, but all in good humor.

In all honestly, I admit, I feel it would be very easy for me to fall in love with her. She keeps me on my toes, I am at full attention to her, she is very interesting, very engaging, and very receptive.

However, I have my doubts she feels the same towards me. It wasn’t anything she said, it was her body language. After about the third hour, I noticed her trying to put on her headphones as she was talking to me. That’s when I knew I had to wind it down. It was also at that point she or we seemed to have run out of content, a slight lull. I tried to keep the conversation going by asking about what she was working on that night, and could see she was a little nervous talking about it-Perhaps it was the excitement of some impending critical reaction on my part. Also, I know she was tired and hungry. And I think that is where I became a big letdown in her eyes.

I had offered to take her to dinner, but she did not want to lose her favorite chair there at Starbucks. So then I loosely offered to pick her up something. When she mentioned where she wanted to go, I was sort of reluctant when I found out how potentially expensive it was. In short, it was a bit ironic that she has more money than me, yet doesn’t have a home, yet I do (sort of), and am far more frugal. I understand she wants quality food, and yet I just want to survive with the dollar menu.

On the way out I told her to please read my blog. Also, I tried to give her a hug, which felt awkward and forced rather than genuine-Polite. And again I felt a little empty inside, a failure.

I adore her, I greatly believe in her talent, and I wish I could support her in some way to help her realize her potential. The reality is I can barely support myself. She deserves so much more than the person who I am now, and I am sure when she is ready she will be make someone a very happy partner. For now, I hope to become at least more than a random passing conversation to her. I hope to become a friend.

The next day (yesterday), I decided to text message her: “What, you egg! Young fry of treachery!” from MacBeth. It’s a sort of inside joke from our conversation. She replied with a “Hahahahaha” -Which I now know she prefers to write out instead of LOL. And another back and forth on the word subtle. I am the one initiating the conversation outside of Starbucks. And you know…

I’ll take it. Any little bit I can get, I’ll take it.

She makes me smile.

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meet pt. 2

Last monday, I suppose a few days after meeting that talented lady, I of course found myself at that same Starbucks. This time, I was sitting outside. There was clearly a “No Smoking” symbol etched in the middle of the round table, but no one was minding it at the other tables and were smoking away. So I joined them.

I meant to do some blogging, but I found myself reading through a book I had purchased from Goodwill earlier that day. It is a modernized translation of Macbeth-Less poetry and metaphor, more straight to the point. Not that I couldn’t understand the original play, but it was easier to plow through it.

At the end of Act 3, I paused in thought of what I just read. Just then a young fellow walked out of Starbucks and just randomly began to speak to me as he was lighting up a cigarette of his own. He mentioned that he was having a hard time finding a job. I have no idea what provoked him to tell me this, perhaps it was the homely way I was dressed-I had went to Starbucks immediately after my workout at the gym. In any case, I responded in agreement.

From he sat across from me and we began to expand on jobs, then to exercise, where he told me he had once trained for MMA and he wrestled in college. The way he was talking about it seemed believable.

Then the conversation somehow went to comic books, something I know well enough. That spawned debates over certain superheroes-Who is more powerful etc. And that brought about the Epic Rap Battles series on Youtube, which my cousin Melanie had introduced to me a couple months ago.

It turns out this chap is a musician and producer himself. He has various Youtube accounts, one which he employs a versus theme of his own, only it’s more superheroes vs other heroes or video game characters. He writes the music, does all the rapping, and video editing himself.

That’s not all, he showed me videos of his guitar playing and freestyle DJ sets. He is a very good guitarist, and a pretty good producer from what I’ve heard-Subjective of course.

He is an an athlete and an artist. That’s a combination that at least I rarely see. He is just as bit as talented as the lady I met previously (in the last post), only his talent is more auditory, whereas hers is visual.

The direct commonality between these two is: Age.

They are both just 23 years old.

Along with my best friend’s girlfriend, that’s three very talented people I know sharing the same age.

When he told me his age, I… Well I would be remiss in admitting that I wasn’t feeling the slightest uneasy. It was definitely a bit of a blow to my own ego. These people have more knowledge than me, experienced far more than me, are far more talented than me-And they are so young-A mere two-thirds my own age.

What have I done with my life? I’ve wasted it. I am currently both broke, and alone. The clock continues to tick, and I am being left behind.

Something must be done.


Just in case anyone wants to see this fellows work here is his youtube channel:
The Infinite Source

blog

meet

I really need to keep up with my blogs. The last couple weeks have brought about some significant, and not so significant items or events in my life. Quite a lot to talk about, really, and I imagine I’ll need to write quite a bit to catch up. — The immediate subject is two very interesting people that I have met.

If memory serves it was a couple weeks ago-I ventured into a Starbucks that I generally do not inhabit to write my last blog entry. This the San Bruno store-As I found out, it is open 24 hours a day. In fact the time now is ten to midnight. I Iike it.

After writing that blog entry, I stayed and caught up on a little reading. The conference like long table I sat at was seated by various other people. The two directly ahead of me were a pair of younger people, friends-Male and female, obviously younger 20s. I caught wind of what they were talking about: Japanese anime. I was indeed inclined to bring myself into the conversation. The small chat escalated to a nice back and forth debate, comparing and contrasting the more modern anime, versus the older stuff that I grew up with-Being their senior by some 12 years or so.

After some good banter, it lead to other subject matters. With the male fellow, we talked about his burgeoning writing endeavors to really random things like professional wrestling. Again, it was comparing the newer WWE versus the old WWF, and other organizations. I rather enjoyed that, I don’t usually talk to anyone at length about wrestling.

Before long, he had to leave, and the lady and I carried the conversation further. Before I go on about her, I’ll add that they both work at the local movie theater where they had met and became good friends-If they are an item, I do not know. They did discuss in good detail about the work, and I was rather convinced to apply, which I did. Of course I have yet to hear anything back from the theater.

Now, this lady truly was a talented artist. She went to school at the Art Institute in San Francisco, seems to prefer the Manga style of comic art, knows her away around computer paint programs to 3D animation. She is also well versed in writing, physiology, and history. In a word, I found her simply amazing.

Before I even realized it, some 12 hours passed by. We were late into the night, discussing her stories, in the end we sat and watched bewildered by goats that able to ascent steep walls and tall trees-Yes, it was rather silly, but I did take notice that we seemed rather comfortable in each others company. After a half day of talk, why not?

At near 2am I finally decided it was time to leave for home. She stayed and continued to draw in her sketchbooks. We did exchange numbers, as I was excited to make her acquaintance . She did seem a bit let down that I left. I really wanted to invite her home, to continue the conversation, but of course it is not my home, and I doubt my father and his wife would approve me bringing home a woman late into the night, let alone a stranger. I felt doubly bad as she has told me she currently lives in her car. I should have at least gestured, even if I knew the answer would be no.

I did try to text over the next few days, and invited her to hang out, but nothing came of it. Perhaps I was being a bit too strong or bold, basically annoying. I was excited by her, not directly in an intimate way; Perhaps just overly excited to finally make a local friend here.
In any case the texting was more me talking, with just short polite replies from her. I figure she’s just busy, and I can understand that. She’s struggling to survive, just like the rest of us, perhaps more so because she’s entered into a profession that is highly subjective and very hard to make a living from-An artist.

I just now texted her after a couple weeks. I hope I do get a reply, but in all honesty I don’t expect one. Perhaps my intensity and persistence has foiled my chance at a relationship once again. That saddens me because quite frankly, all I wanted was a good friend.

I have more to tell on another incredibly talented fellow I met here at ‘bucks, and of a somewhat alarming coincidence and reality check from these chance meetings. However enough for now.

To be continued.

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ashen

I think I’m finally getting over this cold. More or less feel back to normal. There;s still a lingering bit of congestion and a headache, but I think I can finally get back to the gym tomorrow-And pursue trying to find a new job.

Unfortunately I haven’t been to the gym in a couple months. Fortunately, I haven’t really gained anyway weight. Working at the tree more or less kept me in shape. Altho I do think I’ve lost a good bit of muscle mass. I wonder how far from my max lifts I am now. Last time I took two weeks off, it took me a week to get back on top. I guess it’ll be a month to work my way back up again. That’s ok. I look forward to the struggle.

Money is getting tight of course. That’s what happens when you haven’t worked for a bit. I am thankful that my father and his wife let me dwell in their home, so I don’t have to worry as much about paying for rent, but I do need to offer up something every once in awhile to gesture my appreciation. Need money for that. Have to find some work quick. I don’t really care what it is-again after working at the tree, I’m sure I can handle anything.

In other news, thanks to my sister and father for the gifts of money this Christmas, I was able to get a new tablet, which I’m using write now to type this up-Along with a cheap blue tooth Mac keyboard that I found at Goodwill for seven dollars. I dislike the Mac keyboard layout, but I’ll get used to it. The tablet is a Lenovo S3000. Still only a 7″ tablet, but it’s power and responsiveness is far beyond my old first Gen Kindle Fire. Much snappier indeed. So this is definitely a good light-weight alternative for blogging out and about than hauling around my monstrous Asus G75.

Now something strange: I let out to the universe (on Facebook) that I wanted a certain keyboard, and as I posted, the universe in for the of Jen, from the Mutant League, had answered and gave me the funds to get that mechanical keyboard. And just the other day, I was focused on finding a blue tooth keyboard for my new tablet at a thrift store, and I did.
Concidence?

Maybe this secret stuff does work.

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stuffy

Can’t seem to completely rid myself of this sickness that I’ve contracted just prior to new year. Seems to be slowly receding, but congestion and the headaches seem to persist. It’s quite distracting and sometimes I lose focus on what I’m doing. I want to work, and it’s killing my will to even look. Not a great way to start the new year.

In work related news, I got ahold my old temp agency to let them know I’m available again. I thought they’d have something set up for me right away, but I was wrong. Will just have to keep up to date with them.

In personal news, my siblings and I are talking about getting my mother out of the Philippines. It’s a rather delicate situation, and quite frustrating.

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new year

It has come to the end of one calender year and beginning of another. The ouroboros of life continues.

Life, as it always has been, is certainly uncertain as it is uncertainly certain on how it progresses and endures. We may not be around forever, but while we’re here we should make record of who we are and who we were in so without question those who may inquire will understand as completely and accurately as possible, that which we divulge and discern about ourselves is true.

In these ever so trying times, particularly in times of reflection as the years end, and birth anew, it should be reminded how each of us, in the human family-How vast and expansive it has become and will continue to flourish-That we are all interconnected. Each one of us are mere drops in a pool, causing ripples which can potentially build to form waves of calm streams to catastrophic tsunamis constantly moving and causing change. No matter what change or obstacle lay before us, we have the ability to transform ourselves, to adapt and progress.

I am reminded of a quote some of you may recognize:

Life isn’t just about passing on your genes. We can leave behind much more than just DNA. Through speech, music, literature and movies…what we’ve seen, heard, felt…anger, joy and sorrow…these are the things I will pass on. That’s what I live for. We need to pass the torch, and let our children read our messy and sad history by its light.We have all the magic of the digital age to do that with. The human race will probably come to an end some time, and new species may rule over this planet. Earth may not be forever, but we still have the responsibility to leave what traces of life we can. Building the future and keeping the past alive are one and the same thing.

-Solid Snake 

For myself, this has indeed been yet another hard year. If I’m honest, I’m not sure I have done much in the way of progression. I am essentially where I was a year ago-Broke, miserable, and alone. 

In light of that, through my experiences this last year, I have learned quite a bit about who I am, my wants and needs, and my potential. With that knowledge, I vow to better myself and my situation.

This blog, which is understandably of little interest to most who’ve visited it, has been my personal haven. I hope to accumulate more readers, of course, but at the same time it has been useful in gathering my thoughts and reflections-Aside from practicing my skill in writing, this is in effect forcing me to be placed under scrutiny of myself as well as the public.

Creating this blog is probably the best thing I’ve done in years. To that, I can celebrate!

To my friends, to my family, to the strangers who might happen upon reading this:

Happy New Year! Make it a good one!