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toppled

I dream often enough. Sometimes I wake up laughing my head off, and other times I wake up in tears. Like everyone else, often times I forget exactly what these dreams are. However I’ve always found that the weaker the condition that I’m in-Say in a sickly state-The more vivid and memorable my dreams tend to be.

At the peak of my allergic reaction last week, I fell into a deep REM induced sleep, and I dreamt one of those memorable dreams.

The beginning of it is a little hazy. I remember it being very earthy in color, reddish-orange. I was walking up a hill that was slowing growing steep. On either side of me was a deep precipice. Behind me was total darkness. There was nowhere to go but forward and up, and I could see nothing in the distance but the road I was on.

As I progressed onward, I noticed the darkness followed, and the temperature rose. It finally got the point where I was forced to use my arms and climb. The view above showed no peak, no end. I was tired, but below me the darkness still lurked and I wasn’t about to be engulfed by it. So I climbed and climbed more.

Just as my body felt as if I could go on no longer, my grip, my footing on the road began to lose hold, and I began to scream. And then… Then the setting suddenly changed.  — Yes it gets weirder.

I was back on my feet, hobbling around trying to run. I felt really heavy. As look down at myself, it seems I’m wearing some kind of sci-fi armor, an exo-suit. There were sparks flying out of joint area of my legs. Some kind of malfunction I imagined, which is why I was moving so lamely. Then I noticed the rest of my armor was badly bruised and scratched up. My helmet and visor seemed to be losing power as the images were static-filled and intermittent.

I was following a group that looked to be of the same outfit as myself, but they were less damaged if not in perfect condition. I saw them all lightly jogging in-line, in formation. As I was indeed damaged, they were all passing me up.

I was of course last to the rendezvous point. The setting was a green field. All the others were in-line, many rows of futuristic armored soldiers, grouped together in different companies.

Finally I arrive to what I recognize as my company, and the people are starting to become familiar-They aren’t anyone real-They are characters from one of my favorite anime series, Hajime no Ippo. They were all laughing at me, at my misfortune, And I distinctly heard them refer to me as the main character, Ippo.

The drill instructor, who happened to be an amalgam of Coach Kamogawa from the Ippo series, and Coach Ohta from Gunbuster, was urging me on sternly to get in line quickly. He noticed the other characters laughing at me and scolded them. Like some outward view listening on an inner monologue, I watched the drill instructor’s thoughts as I passed by him. He said, “They’re all going to regret laughing at him.”

When I finally got into line and proper formation my body was so tired and in pain from having to haul that damaged exo-suit completely on my own physical power.It was indeed a struggle to even stand straight. My eyes started to well up, and I slowly, silently, began to cry.

As those tears fell, and my body was trembling in exhaustion, my helmet visor (which was also a Heads Up Display) had cracked in half. The individual cameras on the front still functioned, barely, but were dislodged and pointing in opposite directions. My equilibrium tried to compensate, but the sight was so overwhelming that it took over and led my body into a dizzying spin, and I fell flat on my back. On impact, the visor and facemask broke completely away. My face was exposed, covered in sweat and tears.

I lay there, staring at the orange sky, replaying in my mind what just happened-Outwardly imagining how that must have looked. It must have looked absolutely silly. A smile slowly crept onto my face. Then came the makings of a giggle, into a light laugh.

The others, my friends, who appeared to be silenced and in shock by my sudden violent fall seemed relieved and slowly joined in on my laughter, and soon the whole company just erupted.

My friends soon gathered around me, and extended their hands to help me up. Still smiling, still laughing, the dream quickly faded away.

I awoke finding myself giggling.

-analysis-

I suppose this dream is representative of where I am currently. The road has only one true direction to follow: UP. If I venture too far off to one side, I would risk falling off a cliff. The darkness behind me, I imagine is representative of the past, which is constantly following me.

The fact that I can’t find a peak nor see any end in sight means that I haven’t exactly found what my goal or intentions should be.

I tried to stay on path, but it seemed I wasn’t strong enough to keep climbing when it became impossibly difficult, and I fell back into the darkness. That must mean, I have more to learn and experience before I can continue onward.

As the second part of the dream started, it seems my fall had damaged and impaired me. I was more or less grounded, but I continued to try and get back to base camp-To rest, reset, and start again.

Furthermore the second part of the dream is quite interesting because essentially what my mind did was combine two of my favorite anime shows together, Hajime no Ippo, and Aim for the Top! Gunbuster. Both of those shows, while drastically different in themes-One is a sports based (boxing) anime, the other is mecha sci-fi. They both have extremely flawed, yet morally strong main characters with small and questionably humble beginnings. With hope, determination, and experience from various failures, they both rise to the top. Their struggles and their compassion actually inspires others to better themselves.

The comical moments at the end are totally from Hajime no Ippo-He’s down, physically destroyed, but somehow he manages to turn his anguish around and begins to cheer himself and everyone else up. That’s an attitude I aspire to emulate.

This truly was an enlightening dream.

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One thought on “toppled

  1. I enjoyed this one very much. Nice analysis and reflection. For some reason I can see you telling it to someone in a parlor in Wuthering Heights.

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