The last day at Dollar Tree felt like the longest day of work I ever had there. It was not due to the excitement of knowing it was my last-It was just a lot of hard work. A full day later, I’m still in pain. In fact it hurts to even type this up. The recognition that I won’t be going back hasn’t quite sunk in yet because of the pain. I went above and beyond what would be normally expected of someone leaving-And again, my body is paying for it.
Of course the departure was less than glorious, in fact it was quite muted. The manager and I had a little chat and he seemed genuinely concerned about what I was up to next. At least I think it was genuine. He is a nice fellow, but like everyone else that works there, he falls under great scrutiny from the next level of management. Nevertheless, I performed my tasks there with little if any (visible) complaint or drama, and I think he appreciated that and even told me to use him as a reference for the next job.
There was small goodbyes between me and the rest of the staff that went as warmly as it could. As I’ve stated they are nice people, and I grew to like them very much and will remember them fondly. It’s not hard to grow at least a bit attached after going through the madness that we did this holiday season.
My family seems to have voiced great concern over what I’m to do next. Some are questioning how wise it was to leave without another job to jump directly into. It is all justifiable and noted. Perhaps it was not wise to leave in such manner. All I can really say is that leaving when I did just feels right.
I wish they would just trust me and believe in me outright, but given that my past is rather rocky-Well, they’re right to show concern. In the end it is all up to me.
The major difference between me now as opposed to then is that I am more focused on my own passions. I used to care what people thought of me, and reacted so. I tried to mold myself into something people might like. I wanted friends and admiration, but even in the weird subculture I was (trying) to be involved in, I felt like an outsider. I realize now that I am not built to be socially active. I can be, but it’s not a particular need.
I’m perfectly fine being lost in my own thoughts, by myself. It can get lonely when I am physically by myself in a quiet room (at home), but it all changes when I merely change the setting. It’s why I go to a place like Starbucks or a busy mall-I am able to be by myself, in peace, doing what I do, but surround by the noise and chaos provided by others–
How can I explain this? I find that when it’s completely quiet, my mind tends to wander more to make its own noise or stimulation, which makes for distraction. If there is an outward source or distraction already present, that doesn’t involve my active attention-That part of my brain or my senses will busy itself on that, while I can actually concentrate fully on what I’m actually trying to accomplish. I need external stimuli to lubricate the cogs and sprockets, while the rest my brain cranks it up. That’s why I can never concentrate at say, a library.
Ehh… in any case, those of you who read this blog can rest assured that I will no longer write, if any at all, of my experiences at Green Hell . That is now all in the past. It is time to reset, and start anew.
*I’m working on devising a proper Day-to-Day schedule for my game creation and writing.
*I have finished an outline or rough draft for at least the first act of my first game/test game, which will be an rpg.
*I have the layout of the overworld maps in my head, and need to sketch it out, as well as character and vehicle sketches.
*Need to fire up Trelby and begin dialogue, and rough up some storyboards.
*Took me about 2 seconds to come up a with cheesey name that will/will not be the final title–Oh it’s just terrible, I like it! Twin Justice ….or TwInjustice… that’s feking terrible! HA!
*Need to try and get all this done by the end of January.
As you can see, I’m keeping myself busy with focus. I will work this out day to day like a regular job. And when a regular paying day-job arises, I will adapt my game creation and writing appropriately.
I’m in this for the long haul. My worlds and my stories will be created and built by my hands-Firstly for myself and my personal amusement-But I invite everyone who’s willing to go for a ride to hop onboard.
It’s going to be a rough and tough and long road ahead, and I do not promise comfort. However, I do promise adventure and hopefully a couple good laughs along the way.