As I’ve mentioned I had received a non-secured credit card with a credit limit of three-hundred dollars. And activation, I pondered what to do with it.

A little experiment on myself was done yesterday-A self experiment.

I took that credit card with me to the local Fry’s Electronics in Palo Alto, CA. Everything I listed in the secured blog entry I had looked into while I was there, and a lot more. As you may or may not know Fry’s is a gadget and computer geeks’ paradise-A physical store to browse in person such items you may ordinarily see only on-line or in smaller specialized stores/sites. Very easy to spend money there for a person like myself-And indeed some good deals were to be had yesterday. I spent close to two hours browsing that Fry’s, and temptation was surrounded and grabbed at me at every turn.

Fry’s now has the option of internet price matching. Many of the products I had browsed was found cheaper online instantly via my smartphone. The deals were getting better and better.

If I was me of 5-10 years ago, I probably would have had the attitude that said “Fek it. We only live once.” And I would have pulled the trigger and got what I wanted right there on the spot-But I’m not the same me from all those years ago.

So instead, I simply walked out of the place. Didn’t buy a sneckin thing-Nothing-Tho I had the ability to do so. The odd thing was that I didn’t have the usual anxiety that I would normally feel. Indeed I had wasted time (and gas) in driving 20+ miles to a store- That alone would normally justify some sort of purchase.

And yet I was completely indifferent as I drove away. I realized, everything I wanted really wasn’t necessary, or I could simply wait until they come to a fairer price.

I pride myself in being very patient with people-To be very empathic and understanding-More today than ever before. Yet, I realize now that I have or had little regard for myself. Never cared initially about what happened to me. I was impulsive in my own personal decisions, and the result of such actions have very much destroyed me.

How is it that being so selfless makes me feel so selfish?  

In any case, I am proud that I can more readily control my impulsiveness, as well as my tendencies to indulge.

The next part is figuring out how all this will culminate to form the rest of my life. I am awakening to realize who I am. And now….

Now what or who will I become?