After the bankruptcy, I figured I wouldn’t have a chance at applying for a non-secured credit card-But I did manage to qualify for one. I am secured-sort of. It is a very small limit-Just three-hundred dollars. No complaints. At that amount I’m sure not to cause myself any major damage.

I did go through the small activation process. I did create an online account for it. I even got to pic out a neat little custom picture from their array of crappy custom picture options. After all that, I quickly shoved the card back into the envelope and stuffed it away in my file cabinet.

Don’t you all think I wasn’t tempted to use it-I was! Oh, I was! However after all I’ve been through with my horrible mishandling of money-I just can’t bring myself to buy anything. It’s hardcore shoppers guilt or buyers remorse, as it were. I cannot let that episode happen again.

When I did go before the court during the final process of the discharge, there was a group of people including myself. All of us, just terrible at money management. A few of them were called to stand and I got to hear a small bit of their stories as they were being interviewed. For some of them this indeed was not their first bankruptcy, in fact one of them, I understand had claimed twice before. That’s for sure frightening as it is eye opening.  I know I can’t let that happen to me. This was enough. This was humiliating enough.

And so I really have to be careful. No more impulse buying. I have to plan what I purchase and it must be absolutely justified as necessary or useful or somehow advantageous. Hell, I make so little money at green hell  that I have buyer’s remorse making food purchases at my own job where everything costs a dollar. Ridiculous.

I really do need to find something else. As for the card-Heh-I suppose the ultimate test will be next friday-Black Friday. I would love to get a hold of a larger SSD and Blu-Ray drive for my desktop puter, not to mention a pci-e USB 3.0 card with an external header (just so I can finally hook up the front USB 3.0 port). I imagine all that there would be around $150. Half the stupid credit cards limit, and after interest it would be almost $200.

Ridiculous. My life is ridiculous, and after reading this back I realize it’s also ludicrous.

I really don’t need anything. I really don’t.